In 1996 my second son Ben was born.
I though he was normal healthy baby.
I thought well 10 fingers and 10 toes he's is all there and ok :-)
However that was not to be and I got a call at 2am, on the night after he
was born. It was the hospital
saying
there were problems and that I should come in straight away.
It turned out that he had been born with congenital heart disease.
He was rushed by helicopter to the Children's hospital in Sydney.
What I saw there was enough to break anyone's heart. A doctor said that
with all the millions of things that have to be right in the formation of
a growing baby it is a miracle that so many are born ok.
AS I said I took my first son's birth for granted, the fact that he was
normal and healthy.
In the hospital I saw so many babies with serious health problems.
I spoke to one couple that had their 3rd child that had very serious organ
problems and would be lucky to live. Their first 2 babies had both died.
My son had a 7 hour open hearth surgery when he was 3 days old. He came
through fine and we were filled with joy.
I remember looking at the surgeon and pumping his hand and being filled
with so much gratitude, this man had saved our son's life.
He recovered and grew bigger and stronger and we were filled with hope for
the future.
This photo of Ben was taken a few short weeks before he died.
Our hopes were shattered when he was 6 months old.
Completely out of the blue he developed complications after contracting
bronchiolitis he died.
My grief was almost too much to bear. Now I think you would have to be a
parent to truly understand the depth of my grief. When you have looked at
your own baby, the precious little bundle that you would give your life
for, imagine holding your baby's lifeless body and slowly feeling the warmth
leaving and the little body growing stiff.
After a time I said to myself I can continue to believe what I have
believed in the past, and that is when you die, you are dead, final , no
more.
That would mean that my beautiful baby boy was dead in the ground and no
longer exists.
On the other hand I could choose to believe in a after life and that would
mean Ben still existed in some way.
Too maintain my sanity and help me through my immense grief I chose to
accept the latter
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I chose to believe in an afterlife, call
it heaven if you like, but something.
The next thing for me was to choose to believe in a supreme being, a
creator (God?).
I didn't know which God it should be at that stage (Budda, Mohamed,
Confucius) but I had decided that the universe could not have come from
nothing and therefore someone must have created it.
Over the next few years these beliefs became stronger and the I learnt
"Jesus
saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life; no man cometh to
the Father but by me." John 14:6.
So from this and
other scriptures I chose to believe that Christianity must be the true faith
It was in December 1999 that I accepted Jesus as my saviour.
It is because of my faith that I have found peace and acceptance of
Bens Death.
I can believe that he is in heaven and also, because I have accepted
Jesus as my Lord and Saviour I can have the assurance that I am going to
heaven and will one day be reunited with him.
Ben with his big brother James and myself in happier times (even
thought it looks like he is scowling there.
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